are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
