Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
