i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
