She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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