1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
