were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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