; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
