i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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