Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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