i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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