he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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