Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
