I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
