Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
