lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
