Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
