I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
