And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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