Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We named our party play list daddy issues
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
