Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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