Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
