you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize