I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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