Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
