Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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