Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
