Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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