so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
