You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
