There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
