dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
