Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
