So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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