pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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