So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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