One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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