Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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