I wish I could teleport
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
