im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
