well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
