It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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