Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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