i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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