he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
