just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
