im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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