Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
