i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
