I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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