Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
