when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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