I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
