I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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