Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
