Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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