im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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