You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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