Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize