Im at strip club and am horny
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
