This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
