dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
