Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize