You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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