my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
