im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
