she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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