I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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