Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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