THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
as a side note pls kill me
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