I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im holly from the hills drunk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
